I met you when life felt like an obligation
I had to accomplish strictly.
I was not the type to anticipate.
Nor was I ever the type to dream.
I was not even brave enough to think you would come.
I was tired of carrying a lifeless body and a bruised heart
that kept getting wounded over and over again,
but still continued to beat.
I stopped believing in organic encounters
and soft, lovely endings.
Stopped believing warm words are sincere.
At some point, I stopped asking why people never stayed.
I was pretty much consigned to oblivion,
not deafeningly,
but in a very subtle way,
where I cry every night with no sounds,
and dry my tears immediately before anyone notices.
But you came.
Yes, you did.
You arrived without a carriage.
I thought it would just be another passerby.
I hated it.
Not you.
But the fact that you came
when I almost finally learned to be alone.
When I almost knew what it's like to survive
without wanting anything.
It's funnier how you did not even try to fix me,
Nor did you try to promise me love.
You just tried to look at me
in the eyes
and beyond all of my facades.
As if I am not too much.
As if I am enough.
As if I am not broken beyond repair.
You came.
And you owned every fiber of my being.
As if I am precious.
As if I am worth it.
So now I cry.
I cry for the girl who almost gave up.
The girl who cannot recognize love and safety;
The girl who fears everything in sight.
I did not fall in love with you.
I fell apart.
Right there.
At the place you first looked at me.
But this time,
My tears overflow.
Because you might have arrived without a carriage,
But you brought a whole kingdom after.
Showed me things I never thought I needed to know.
And in that moment,
I recognized hope.
And how it returned,
when I almost believed it wouldn't.
I wanted to say hello, but never actually sent the message. It wasn't because I wasn’t willing to make contact; rather, I thought that popping up out of the blue would be a kind of trespass. I was scared to death that if I started suddenly, you would shut the door before I could see you. I didn’t want to be amongst all the other interruptions in your life that vanish as soon as you hit block, or be the reason for your reflex of self-protection. So I went away without saying goodbye, keeping it in my pocket. But here, talking honestly in your own gentle manner, I can sense that something has changed. A tiny authorization. A small glow. It was enough for me to respond not only with words but with commitment to everything you wrote. That is exactly what I am indebted to you for: your time, not your value judgments. The way you portray yourself is not a mere characterization but a look - a look that shows how your total inner world is affected and how your heart is both your guide and ...