Poems I can't remember writing #6

I think if stories about the one that got away hurt a lot,

you haven't heard mine.

I met him when I was 19 and he was 21.

He is passionate about singing, while drawing is mine.

We started as friends as most love stories do,

but that's the thing, this isn't one.

And I forgot that part too.

I forgot he never became someone I can call mine.

I tried to ignore this infatuation and not turn it up more,

But then,

I just found myself falling.

That's when I feel happy and disgusting.

One day something happened.

He told me he likes me too, but there's a thing.

He doesn't feel like we should start dating,

for he thinks he's not ready for everything.

Day 3 of 366

I wanted to say hello, but never actually sent the message. It wasn't because I wasn’t willing to make contact; rather, I thought that popping up out of the blue would be a kind of trespass. I was scared to death that if I started suddenly, you would shut the door before I could see you. I didn’t want to be amongst all the other interruptions in your life that vanish as soon as you hit block, or be the reason for your reflex of self-protection. So I went away without saying goodbye, keeping it in my pocket. But here, talking honestly in your own gentle manner, I can sense that something has changed. A tiny authorization. A small glow. It was enough for me to respond not only with words but with commitment to everything you wrote. That is exactly what I am indebted to you for: your time, not your value judgments. The way you portray yourself is not a mere characterization but a look - a look that shows how your total inner world is affected and how your heart is both your guide and ...

Excerpt from an email I never sent #10

There are days when I feel like you regret having me in your life. Like when someone wants milk but gets coffee instead, or how someone wants gold but got silver instead, and then there's the rush of feeling disappointed that comes after. I hope you don't have that kind of regret, where you would exchange anything just so you could turn back time and make me disappear. I know I am not someone you wished for with your eyes closed and heart hoping, but please do not regret having me. I hope my existence does not bring you any discomfort. I hope that, hearing my name come up on television or the radio, won't give you panic attacks and those kinds of stomachaches that come from stress. I hope seeing me in person won't give you the fright. To be honest, I do not, and never wanted to be remembered as your biggest mistake. I am pretty sure I am not one, but the look in your eyes sometimes makes me think otherwise. I try not to ask too much because I also do not want you to re...

Thanatos is a familiar friend

I wonder how Thanatos will conduct himself, When it finds me in a state of unreservedly perished. Will it halt befuddled, Wondering who took me, Did the poison work before he arrived? Or did I self-destruct Because it definitely does not seem like I'm capable of doing so. I wonder if he will be shocked when it hits him That there's nothing left to aver No soul attached, No breath to purloin, Just a body to burn. Or will he chuckle silently, Because the day finally arrived. Where I shall be free. For he recognizes I've been dead inside for ages. And I have been preparing my own memorial service, long before Thanatos came down and showed up.

Memento vivere, amica mea.

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